Emotions are automatic responses to common situations and problems. Emotion dysregulation is linked to a variety of mental health problems, and can lead to people utilizing unhealthy behaviors such as self-harm, bingeing, purging and substance use to escape their overwhelming emotions.
A phrase often repeated by clients in therapy is ‘I wish I could get rid of my emotions’. This however is not a good idea as emotions hold a lot of value and are important for our survival. Emotions have the following functions:
1: They motivate action. For instance, anger prepares the body for physical action, anxiety activates us to get things done, love draws us to the people we are attached to and guilt regulates our behavior.
2: They are used to communicate with others and ourselves, through body postures, facial expressions and voice tone.
It is important that we learn to reduce painful emotions without getting rid of them. We can do that in two ways:
1: By changing unwanted emotions
2: By building resilience and reducing our vulnerability to negative emotions
In order to change unwanted emotions, we first need to check the validity of the
thoughts fueling these emotions. We can do that by looking at evidence for and against our thoughts in a specific situation leading to painful emotions. Often times our thoughts are based in assumptions rather than facts, therefore our feelings are not appropriate to the situation we are going through. By checking facts, we can objectively explore the validity of our thoughts, hence reduce the intensity of the feelings based in irrational assumptions.
If the emotion is unjustified, then we can change it by acting opposite to its action urge. For instance, a person who is scared
of speaking in public would want to avoid speaking in front of an audience. However, by doing the opposite action, which is to
ignore this fear and speak in public, they will find out that it will bring down their level of fear.
If the emotion is justified and there is a real challenge then problem-solving skill can help us explore our options in dealing with it. In order to solve a problem, we can follow the below mentioned steps:
Define the situation. Observe, describe and check facts.
What is the goal of problem solving?
Brainstorm lots of solutions. Write down every solution.
Choose a solution that could lead to goal.
The skills for reducing vulnerability to negative emotions are especially important for people who are more emotionally sensitive, reactive, and have long lasting emotions. The accumulating positives skill helps create positive experiences that increase resilience. We can accumulate positives in the short term by doing pleasant activities every day (painting, reading, dancing etc.), and in the long term by exploring our values and taking small steps to shape our lives accordingly. It is also important to build mastery in activities that fall under our level of capacity to enhance our confidence (for instance learning to play a musical instrument etc.). The key is to choose a task that is challenging yet achievable
We can also cope ahead of time with difficult situations that can lead to painful emotions by using the following steps:
1. Describe the situation that is likely to create negative emotions (i.e. worried about not being able to speak in front of an audience
2. Decide what problem-solving skills you want to use in that situation (i.e. will take a bottle of water along and will sip water until feel ready to speak; not make eye contact with anyone in the audience etc.)
3. Imagine the situation in your mind as if you are present in it right now (imagine the scene where you are standing in front of the audience and not able to speak)
4. Rehearse in your mind coping effectively with it (imagine using all the strategies you have come up with to cope with this challenge)
5. Practice relaxation after rehearsing.
Finally, we can also practice the PLEASE skill to reduce risk of emotional vulnerability by boosting our overall mental and
physical health:
PLEASE skill
Treat physical illness. Make sure you take care of body.
Balanced eating. Do not eat too much or too little.
Avoid mood altering drugs (such as alcohol)
Sleep – get sufficient sleep, not too much or too little
Exercise
In conclusion, by adopting healthier lifestyle, engaging in pleasurable activities, mastering skills, checking the facts for our thoughts, learning to solve our solvable problems and coping ahead with possible challenges, we can learn to succeed at modulating our negative emotions. It takes a lot of practice, and perhaps many sessions of therapy for people to master this skill, but at the end the benefits of being able to regulate our emotions are worth the efforts.